I would like to go deeper into my spiritual life. Doing so on my behalf will undoubtedly cause laughter and scorn, never-the-less prayer and meditation and the sincerest pleas that I make to God does not change them go away. I suggest since you, the reader, has free will, perhaps your subconscious will guide you or your guardian angel will protect you from error. I do have some examples for you. I could give you many but one or two may suffice. I admit to you help was and is not readily offered by the hierarchy. Help was refused by an Archbishop, an Abbot and numerous priests. They were not interested and so I turned to whom I considered the author of my thoughts to seek through prayer the help upon which placed my trust.
Let me repeat myself from previous posts on this subject. This is my ego, and you can judge for yourselves if it is spiritual or worldly.
When one night I was praying and meditating on what I wanted, a conversation started in my head or perhaps my heart. It has happened most of my life even when I was a fallen Catholic. It has only been in the latter years that I began to comprehend either I was mad and had been so most of my life. I did try two different psychiatrists one a well qualified catholic and one a gentle woman who laughed at my concerns. My wife and my sister once discussed when I was present the number of times when I was a child and in today’s times of how I talked to myself. My mother often complained to my father and he should stop me as I was always talking to myself and gesticulating as I walked down the street with her. Let me say this, this conversation has confirmed in me that when God wants to talk He is the initiator and these conversations are not yet a sign of Holiness, unless your claim is made as an unfortunate Charismatic renewal member. I caution you too that even those who pray the Rosary regularly, who claim mystical prowess might not be Holy either. What makes you Holy is the result of the victory of your rational will over your sensual will (Spiritual Warfare). Practicing your faith through the Sacraments and informing your conscience. That is putting aside the warm fuzzies of your feel good self-love and the most difficult of all when one reaches the pray of silence. I mean completely shutting out one’s prideful ego, shutting out what you want, would like to hear then and waiting with patience for God to speak. Often I have heard, “Be silent it is Me”. I urge you, do not doubt nor underestimate the previous statement, so many of us think we pray but we certainly do not by the Church’s teachings on the stages or the ladder we climb in prayer. By not paying attention to it, or thinking about this statement, I hazard a guess you will lead people astray and that is scandalization, a very severe sin. There are and I have found, if you experience what I am describing, you will truly experience and find there are only one of two ways for you to go that is how to live. One is to mend your ways, a metanoia; two, seek the sacraments otherwise you will never avoid the slide down into perdition as the devil will gradually intervene and claim your thoughts, often through the outside influence of interferers. Now I will re iterate one other and most difficult of all and that is to pray in silence. I have found some of these folks pray OK but not with reason, logic and intelligence. They lack discernment and fall into satan’s traps so easily”. One reads them all over the Internet, Marmora was one, Luisa Piccoretta fans were another, several others that I have written to Rome about and watched them disappear. There are others who are still good but commandeered, as I wrote above by interferers, I mean taken over by petty prideful people and with the delayed action by the Church, they, the visionaries become irrelevant unfortunately. The later years of Medjugorie is a prime example, and some instances of the experts on Fatima. Then the only action left is for the Church to intervene strongly.
My first example. “Why have you picked me, I am unworthy” The question is right but there is a false pride in it and it insults God. My answer was, “Because you are a mouth”. That is a private revelation. “Are there not others you could have chosen”. “They left and you are the only one who stayed” That is a private one. “You will be asking questions, even in eternity” Private again. I was once praying with Charismatics, about twenty of them, all praying in tongues vocally and not in unison, a veritable ‘babel’ rising up to God. “Michael they are praying to Sera'th’. Later, “They want to fornicate with the serpent” Sera’th is Hebrew or Aramaic for serpent you will find this in Exodus. That at the best or worst is either quasi-public or a private warning, but for the sake of those Charismatic Souls they had to be told. Now how do I know who it is who converses with me as I meditate on a Life in Grace. I have a prayer, and I will tell it to you and in publishing it, I have to trust in God because I do not want share it. For months, I have been resisting until the clamor rings in my mind. Why do I not want to, because I know it will be misused just as the Prayer of the Heart is in many cases. How many times have I read in Byzantine Orthodox articles of how without guidance one goes astray in this prayer. Take this to heart, it happens.
I have to write this. I would not have entered into this habit of prayer without it. These conversations have become at times a recollection, in some cases a meditation in others the hardest of all, the Prayer of Silence. How do I know it is a prayer of silence because I am told “Be Silent and listen” and that is where when many try to use this prayer, pride just as mine sometimes does, won’t let them achieve silence. This is my prayer, which you should not use until your parish priest has discussed it in the confessional with you. I wrote “your parish priest” and do not try to circumvent or spin what is written to suit your pride, using a priest of your choice. Use what the Church gives you. A priest is a priest and the Church gives you a parish priest to be your spiritual guide, no matter how you feel about him. I went for years to a priest for confession, who should have been committed. The prayer will be ineffective if you do not follow the instructions as I had to.
“I, Michael, sealed in the Holy Spirit, baptized and anointed in the Precious Blood of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, ask the Almighty and Eternal God, the Consuming Fire of terrible jealous Love, in the Name of Jesus Christ, the Name He raised victorious on the Cross and Glorified on the Third Day, to command who has spoken to me on “Whatever the subject” to give me their name”.
Then I shut up and listen, or try to, in silence. Not many of you will be able but you will still claim you hear a name, pride in your personal holiness for some will not let you do otherwise. Now to those of you, who sneeringly say “Test the Spirits” who have not one iota of sense about what they are talking, explain to me before we continue, how to test the spirits? First in the prayer above, there is a great truth and a promise, always honored, which we have to believe in because of the inerrancy of scriptures. "Whatsoever you ask in My name shall be given you". Now God is providential and would not leave us orphans, which means, as our Father He would give us help that satisfies His relationship with us. He will not give us snakes to handle. So where does testing the Spirits come from? Do you who act so humbly yet pompously, really know how to advise people seeking truth, and knowledge to find Love, trying with effort not to lead anyone astray, that is how to do this test? Do you truly know who said it in scriptures? Most of you do not. I digress awhile here to say, many of those who advise me when we talk really deny any grace in me and yet they claim quite often the same grace for themselves. The instruction comes from John’s first letter and now those of you who offer this advice are more often than not guilty of disobeying the Church’s teachings on Divine Revelation. I mean its prohibition against text proofing. Find the quotation and read it in its entirety. It finishes of by saying, “Anyone who cannot admit to the Word made Flesh is not of us”. Which to anyone who can understand the English Language says the devil who, is not of the Church, will not and cannot say the Word made Flesh”. Of course he can’t. To admit to the Word made Flesh is absolutely antipathic to his ego. His pride could not do it, besides if John wrote it, it is true. He, filth, must deny that fact for all he is worth. I therefore wait to hear interiorly these words, “I am the Word made Flesh. I am the Mother of the Word made Flesh or I made the Word Flesh. You can believe in your answers when you get as I have, "I am satan and I had you before and I will capture you again". Or, "I am Lucifer." "I am legion". I have found Legion is usually a principality, which seems to be a host of filth. By the way, the devil does not like to be called filth for that is what he is. I wrote this harshly because there will be many who try it and should not. I wrote it because I must for as Mary said, “We would like to speak to so many, but so few listen”. And that, is certainly not a private revelation. I also pray as I pray for all who will read this, two prayers.
May the Wisdom of the Sacred Head guide you in all your ways.
May the Love of the Sacred Heart consume you with Its fire.
Holy Michael the Archangel, protect them (me) in all my battles, protect their (my) thoughts at all times from the wickedness of satan, by the Power of God cast into the woeful abyss all those evils that interrupt my thoughts and prayers. Pray with them (me) and pray for them (me).