All Conversations in My Heart
Monday, November 15, 2010
  Asking Questions in Eternity
 
First there was a day when Mary told me, “I will bare my all to you” I would stupid if I did not understand that was all that is on her mind. I had following a series of dreams that qualified her words. They took place on a stony hillside covered with grass and blue and yellow flowers. I was sat on a stone with Mary sitting on the grass as do many young girls. I forgot this followed the dream of two Middle Eastern domed houses on the opposite banks of a very clear stream. It is somewhere amongst my blogs. I make no apologies, what happened did happen and like the other prayer I described that gives for whom I say it either the euphoria of delight or a tremendous fright. Not one of you can say it is a private revelation of mine. Not one of you can say how many times I ignored the first of these occasions. Not one of you can say none of this happened or what pains I took to make sure I was not crazy. The only action many will take is to compare your holiness, your place before God and state quite definitely there are better Catholic Men than me. A sin against the Holy Spirit perhaps. God forbid since I know of His wrath and what will follow for any fool who gets between Him and His ways of salvation. You will please excuse how I try to describe moments in my life that I truly treasure when at times I reach that point in a time that is not completely mine, over which I have no control. I cannot make a claim that I do completely give myself over to her Voice with any surety because of my wholly stubborn nature. Once over some moments separated in time.  I asked Miriam Bar David, as the woman once laughingly described Herself. I know what you doubters will say, that was not Her name, so what usually Mary calls herself sometimes sternly sometimes with strong authority, yet mostly somewhat delightedly, “I am the Mother of the Word made Flesh. When deep in prayer, drawn it seems not by any forceful action of mine and only conscious in an interior manner of how my prayers do come physically to come from my heart. One time “scoffers”, I awoke to the sound of the hymn to Guadeloupe and rising from my bed I watched for a time my heart pulsing in my chest to the music with the words echoing in my heart.

As I started to say over a period of some of these times I asked Mary, “Why speak to me when there are others who would do better for you and with more authority than I?  “We would like to speak to so many but so few listen” Another time, I asked, “Why have you picked me?” “It is because you are a mouth”. “Why do you bless me with your presence?” “We would visit every household in the world, if it would do any good”. I know how They can. Once after reading certain scriptures as directed and knowing Mary as the first of created wisdom, I saw that this wisdom played with the souls of men as God created the world. Now put on your thinking caps as you pray and wonder why before the World was completely created, certain souls were already created.  I thought I should as why were these souls this way and where were they. “Many of them never returned” “Michael, why so many questions”, and laughter filled my mind. “You will ask questions even in eternity”.

Early on in my blog life I mentioned a sort of small covenant that was made between the Power of heaven and me. It started this way and I admit through conceit, for which I have been punished in an unusual way, I was quite blasé, about it. At a horribly offered mass and as I listened to a dreadful homily that if followed would cause one to commit an act of spiritual suicide, I asked God, “What has happened to Your Church?” “You see what you see,” I was told. “Father”, I pleaded and this was certainly not like me at that time, “Give me your crown and let me polish It and return it to you”. I saw somehow and dull rusty circular crown, no sparkle, no light and was given a reply, “Certainly I shall, we have a deal”. Now before all you Holy Joes out there so very eager to critique speak without a thought in your heads. I have watched many things happen and many of them, unusual to an extreme but they happened and no one involved any the wiser for the mysteriousness of their completion. I have also found as far as prayer will tell me that the language that is often used to speak to me, is the colloquial usage of a more happy time in my life. When in retrospect I sinned but not gravely. It is often from my youth. See a previous blog about, “That will frost His socks”. Any Brit will know the phrase. Adding to your uncomfortable feelings it was three weeks later when, “praying to find what sins by which I had estranged my soul from God, as I I stand before the Cross and ask in His words paraphrased, “My God My God How have offended thee in what manner have I rejected Thee”. I do get answers and I am sure that priests at the following confessions wonder. One priest close by told me, “Do not get in a “peeing” contest with God. Peeing is the word I use not the one he did. Another priest not good in English told me in a very English accent, “You certainly understand your sinfulness”.

It progressed even further for me. A little later when I began to understand what it was that was interfering in my thoughts, substituting His or Hers for mine as a question and answer dialogue. I asked for help so as not to lead anyone astray. The Lady that guides me said, “You will not lead anyone astray, we will always call you back”.  So then and hear this I bargained with God, since most of the thoughts were very shattering to my ego and a great many were very charitable towards others. I still remind God daily that I am not very capable of loving others so would He mind that as long as I tried would He do acts of Charity for others on my behalf. I never did get an answer or never do but whatever I ask for others usually comes to pass. It took a while for me to ask for the right things for friends and foes. I had to learn to observe and note lifestyles that needed adjusting. Seems conceited as I write this but I can assure you all it is not. If it were then part of my agreement with God is, He must stop because He is not bothering me but I am sure He grits His teeth at any stupidity I have been very likely to have committed and I know I still do personally sin foolishly. All these started or coalesced in my mind over the last ten years, but as my sister told me, "Our mother always complained he is always talking to himself and as my wife has said many times, "You are talking to them again".

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