All Conversations in My Heart
Thursday, November 22, 2012
  Discernment by prayer, specific prayer


As I pray the Rosary, the Divine Mercy or the Novena to the Holy Spirit, my mind is often filled with thoughts which as I think of them see that they are not mine. Even as I write I can see the conflict of terms. Consider this, when I am reading Scriptures or writings of a Saint, or in the case of kneeling in Church before a statute of the Blessed Virgin and I hear a voice within me say, “I am lonely Michael. I wish to go home”. What would a discerning Catholic think it was? I take great care with these new thoughts since, “Who knows where they come from?” Now as you have read the words above about loneliness and in particular if one is undergoing the penance given to one by a priest after confession, what should a Catholic do before talking about it?
First, if I consider it is Blessed Mary whom I hear, surely realizing and knowing this Blessed Woman is the Queen of Peace, I should not lie. I should not lie as Scriptures says the punishment for lying about Peace is very severe. I have found a truth about prayer. It can be very dangerous, for one’s soul when a person lacks proper discernment concerning the inspiration which, the Church teaches us comes from the Holy Ghost, the Divine eternal Spirit of supernatural love and sanctifying grace. In the case of the above Blessed Mary is acknowledged because Christ was born of Her to be the Spouse of the Holy Spirit. Pretty close I would think to being an inspiration from Him. Any disagreement there? Because I tell you to deny the Holy Spirit, against God’s love, is a sin that cannot be forgiven if not confessed.
Some blogs back I believe I wrote of a prayer that both helps and comforts me. I have been loath to share it because when I have, the results come back to bite me. All the warnings I feel I must give arising from a deep feeling of dismay when a smiling woman tells me of her “messages” are easily, so easily dismissed with phrases like, “You can’t tell me this. You are not a priest”. It is frightening for me to hear some claims just as it frightening for me to make them. I must be sure at all times of my and others veracity. This is why everything I write, or you read of the same genre elsewhere, I always urge check with your Parish Priest. He should be your not only your confessor but also your spiritual guide. This prayer, I use, is spiritually correct and has never failed me. I have discussed it with many priests who question me and some are happy when I tell them what I seek from the prayer and what answers I will accept that confirm the veracity of what I seek to understand. Some truly smirk as their thoughts are confirmed.
There are also other considerations that come into play for me. If these thoughts do no one any good, except aggrandize myself, I worry. This feeling or sense is called vainglory. If these thoughts make me feel good about myself, again vainglory, I use the prayer. This prayer of mine gives me answers and I assure you if they, my thoughts are wrongheaded and do not answered rightly, then I use the same prayer in a different form and send the name back to where It, the name, came from. The prayer and how I knew it came from an agreement I made when the realization hit me hard, my thoughts, these thoughts, were too good to be mine, were they as the Church teaches, inspired by the Holy Ghost, God’s Divine Spirit of Love. The prayer is not as one person called it a magical incantation of deviltry. This was after she used it and obviously the answer received, was not pleasing. Who knows who advised her? So I prayed over a small period of time asking that for me to accept these as coming from a source, outside of my mind, could I know from where? Could they be confirmed by finding them in Scriptures, By an authority I could truly accept, in the Church’s teachings and from a source I could recognize as meaning me or others no spiritual harm. My thought told me, “We have a deal”. A deal of great importunate for me. I ask myself in prayer and of Him, I ask so often, “Why me Lord?” Or, “why do you use me, Blessed Mary, my Mother. There must be others better than I?” I sure do get an answer. Many of which straighten me out. Answers that many times makes me feel so sorry for the world. I mean the view that Heaven has of us and of the Church today. Do I expect you to believe me? No! Not at all, it is for you to pray and check for yourself. I do urge you all to also consider the signs of the times and then apply commonsense to your decisions. The main question for you or for anyone is simple, “Will it cause me to spend eternity in Hell if I do not believe it or if I do believe it. That is a very personal decision, on your part.
Do my prayers work? Who can say? I do not know in the same way as I once did. There is a reason. Sorry not quite correct, since most priests in this diocese have been warned off by a previous bishop emeritus, whom I know lied to me. He did not like my response. Many priests do not want to talk to me. He, the Bishop, did lie and he knew it. I could see this from his reaction. Many, perhaps because of my perception of his warnings, that is because of an interdiction avoid me. Of course some will say it is sacrilegious of me to write this about a Bishop. Are my feelings on this matter sensual or spiritual? So I pray for fortitude a virtue that helps you not to care what people say, but makes one very aware that God will love us forever if we choose Him above all else. I ask, “Why do you not pray and ask?” I will write the prayer for your use, at the end of the blog. If you have any worries or fear for its use, show it to your Parish Priest and ask him to guide you in its use. He could use it too. It is really no more than a prayer for discernment. Except it trusts explicitly in God’s Scriptural promises. Shouldn’t you, shouldn’t I be doing this in any case? I cannot support any action for myself that says, “Do as I say, not what I do”.
Here is a reason for my belief that my prayers were answered. Five people over the past years have prayed very willingly with me and we all reaped very specific and great benefits. One became a great trial and turned off many graces she earned due to her breaking her word. My heart told me I cannot come to you in this way anymore”. Blessed Mary still comes but the woman does not. I know from several friends she discussed my spiritual life in a way that was externally detrimental to her soul. Along with a local Charismatic Leader, of whom, a priest warned me of his worry for her spirituality, and her friend of whom another priest warned me of her spirituality as well. The jealousy that became apparent, a jealousy that did not tell the whole truth only the truth that was necessary to cause me harm. Read this again and notice how the information I needed came from two priests. I have never wanted harm to come to any one just asked each time for God to take care of the problem and put it right.
I wrote a few lines ago about how I used to know my prayers and conversations became blessed. Simply put I used a derivative of the prayer mentioned earlier to obtain favors for friends. Favors that I kept to myself as I wanted to strengthen the faith of others who prayed with me. I asked for certain favors for them. My reason was to make them stronger and see what I had, they could have. This is true for I know of two people who came and told me of daybreak dreams they had. I stood outside one’s room at 5 am one morning and asked God to send him to the foot of the Cross and instruct him what he needed for his faith to grow. It happened. He volunteered what he saw later that day and a woman also joined in the conversation, she had the same dream at almost exactly the same time. Other times on other occasions I had amusing conversations with my friends and saw that what was on many occasion my prayer inspired by the Lover of Mankind was answered by the same lover. One priest whom I asked what was his favorite scene in the Bible saw his. I did ask him beforehand and later he told me he went to bed that night very tired and did not understand what he saw.
Many times as I start to pray, I get very explicit and definite instructions for what and whom to pray. Pray for the Pope and the Papal Office. Pray for all the women of the world, Pray for the Church with me, and other requests. Pray in a specific way for souls in Purgatory. Here is one that will enable many to scoff and scorn this blog, but once again ask your Parish Priest. After each decade of the Rosary I use to ask that God would rescue one of his favorites from that place of cleansing. Later that night at # in the morning a thought said, “Thank you, Michael”. I used the following prayer and was told I am David. That surprised me and so I asked, “What were you there for?” “Womanizing”, the answer.
There will if many use this prayer and with good and careful discernment, there will of course, be a hiatus that will cause Priests to work harder. I have no sympathy they signed on to work with souls, preparing us for the final judgment. This hiatus will not last long, human nature will take over and gradually the devil will win some battles. Filth will persuade many that it was foolish to believe. However for those who persevere and trust in God, great things will be done for them and for our faith. I cannot and I refuse to believe God does not keep His Promises. I cannot believe He will let us, the faithful languish in the outer darkness. It is not in His interest. The only one who will be pleased is the Prince of Fools, of hatred and of loneliness, the Kingdom many of us might just spend eternity in, if we despair or give up and surrender to the comfort sin gives us. I can assure you of this many individuals will rise up and literally beat him down, stamp him under their feet. I look forward to the day.

Here is the prayer slightly different this time. Its floweriness depends, perhaps on my state of grace and merits I have earned. That is directly proportional to purity of soul and the amount of help God condescends to give me from His great benignity.

Almighty and Eternal God, consuming fire of terrible jealous love, creator and lover of mankind, I pray to You for Your help. Have mercy on me. I (your name) sealed in the Holy Spirit, baptized in the Precious Blood of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, your Son, whose obedience unto death you found pleasing, ask You that whoever has entered my mind with thoughts on (subject) Please command them to tell me who or what they are.

There is only one answer and it is in Scriptures. Find it Ist John chapter 4 verse [2] By this is the spirit of God known. Every spirit which confesseth that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh, is of God: [3] And every spirit that dissolveth (cannot say) Jesus, is not of God: and this is the Antichrist, of whom you have heard that he cometh, and he is now already in the world. Which by Catholic Theology (Negative) which says we can know God by what He is not (Apothatic) John Duns Scotus and many earlier fathers used and taught this theology. It is part of Scotism. Therefore it stands to reason if the Devil, cannot admit to Christ as he cannot admit to the victory of the Word made flesh and since Scripture says he can’t admit to it, he can’t. Be of great hope God will not let you down.
remember this in the New Testament every time Jesus spoke to penitents or healed pentitents he said, "Go sin no more. Go tell the Priests" A very good habit for us all so, "Go discuss this with your priest" I hope he has a good answer for you.


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Tuesday, November 20, 2012
  Helping a Lonely Widow
I have a recurring dream in the early morning hours. I seem to be awake but I know well enough, I am not. There is a young woman from Croatia, and her child, whom I meet. She is in a terrible predicament. Her Husband is dead. She is about, because of her homelessness and circumstance to make a choice that no woman should have to make. Tears stream down her face, she has no relatives left to help her. I seems I am her only choice. I learn of her need for protection and a new home. She has arrived penniless, hungry and in a very dirty state. Her clothes are old but torn and unwashed. She asks, without words as I look at her for my help. Her needs are shelter and comfort. She is frightened they will take her son from her. The social workers she means, even a hint of sexuality, perhaps pedophilia. What decent man could refuse her. So I will help her in every way I can. Help her to renew her relationship with her closest relatives. I mean if I can find them.
What do you think? This dream occurred very irregularly but more often but not daily over the past month.

All this has continued since I was asked to pray for all the  women in the world especially those semetic women who through their husbands' or fathers' will will never hear of Jesus Christ

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Monday, November 19, 2012
  Another More Honest Investigation is needed

Back to the theme I was developing in a previous blog. St Paul, the great evangelist to the Gentiles said in writing, in Ist Corinthians, 34 And the unmarried woman and the virgin thinketh on the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit”.

So the previous blog on Tersa Higginson and Rose Ferron, may, in your minds, may be seen as a way in which I can point out another reason for considering the spiritual status of these three spinsters, two of which were bed-ridden. The third is Maria Valtorta, a recorder and visionary of the Life of Jesus. To me it is another irritant that divides the Church. Is it right that I view it as another of those squabbles for power, even perhaps though, there is a right way to do the Catholic Thing but itwas badly expressed by obstinate childish actions. It was certainly not actions of resolute men, who determined to do the right thing would have worked with Maria. Where is the adult view and explanation of how to correct the problem? Has there been, at any time, a concrete solution given by the Church Authorities, to get Maria and her advisors back on track? It may be because the cause never being concretely examined the problem was shoved under the mat of the Index. It may be seen the problem must go away, shelve it put it on the Index. And give the lame brain excuse, “It was only someone’s literary view of the Life of Christ”. The authorities wanted, whoever wrote it to have this, which is only their opinion, expressed this way in the front pages of the publication. In a way that is demeaning and insulting. Personally I find another of the Church’s teachings, rather the words of Gamaliel in scriptures very apropos. “If it is not of God it will go away”. Well it is still here and the acceptance by the Laity is growing. Another personal view of mine, and the Church has often said in the past that it is hard to stay holy, being human, over a sustained period of time. To write five volumes of 650 pages each would need a great deal of grace to support them especially for a bedridden woman who back was literally killing her, luckily it was not her soul.
They, whoever they really were, are in dissent over her view of Christ. Some insisted it is only a literal written view of Jesus Christ’s life, denying it any value or worth to the Laity. The original priests who supported her were out to lunch on the reasons they used to justify bypassing the local parish priest and the local ordinary. Pride makes her latest followers carry on with the foolishness. The petty squabbling in the Roma Curia of the time has not helped. To me who looks for the truth and God in Maria’s written secretarial work is both mystified and disgusted at the childish behavior demonstrated. I have not seen any sensible questions asked by any one. I mean especially those who should have asked them with integrity. Yet we can say by Catholic teaching that God lets things happen, even bad things for good to come from these occasions. Is that not true Bonus Pastors???
Here are questions, right thinking men, not wrapped up in their own importance and deeply self convinced belief of, “I am doing this for God”, would have prayerfully considered.
Was Maria a practicing Catholic? Was Maria of good standing with her parish priest? Was Maria an inveterate liar, Was Maria in any way hysterical? I urge you to remember this was the time when women’s behavior was modishly seen to be intemperate because of Hysteria. I find no medical or spiritual admonitions offered by the Catholic Priesthood of that time. Yet today, and probably then, it is fashionable outside the Church to lay all sorts of admonitions of madness or lunacy, even give the description as deviltry for interior voices that mankind of any gender can receive, through the deep and interior prayer. This state is called, "DIVINE CONTEMPLATION These descriptions are given I say in many cases without any form of inquiry. More is the Pity this attitude is so prevalent inside the Church today. All under the auspices and direction of the so called Pastor Bonuses (Boni) of the Church. Too busy I suppose to make themselves uncomfortable. Way too busy to worry about the souls of the faithful as they struggle for political dominance amongst themselves in Rome and in the Chancery Offices.
Struggle as I might, I have never found, what is told as the gospel truth, the words “Maria Valtorta” recorded in the Index. I cannot say that at a later time after the Index was abolished and it was by Vatican 2, although it seems there is some regret. The name was not added to support egos. Maria’s name was not there. The title of the book “Poem of the Man-God” was. This is an unalienable truth. You see this book was indexed for silly reasons more petty than theological, that reason which we see more and more daily in the Church today. I mean the Bishops must not be seen to be involved in uncharitable childish squabbles and cannot be seen to be wrong. Their errors we know, must not be acknowledged as it reflects so often on their bad judgment. It is a dreadful shame because of their off base, base being the path of righteousness Church Law is slowly turning to be made for the pleasure and the comfort of our own Catholic Egos. I have good news for you, Bonus Pastors, Christ said, “Therefore fear them not. For nothing is covered that shall not be revealed: nor hid, that shall not be known. That which I tell you in the dark, speak ye in the light: and that which you hear in the ear, preach ye upon the housetops”. 
 I ask does this only apply to apostolic action or to everything done in secret, in the Church of today??? Be very aware and take care every dark secret will soon be broadcast publicly. The other absolutely silly thing and it arises out of pride of position, “ IT is not only bishops that claim it. It can be said many claim, “I am right. I am Holy (I am a Bishop...I am a priest...I am filled with the Spirit, I speak in tongues”. Or “Why him why her she was never like that before. How can this be?” I am reminded of Matthew 13: 54 And coming into his own country, he taught them in their synagogues, so that they wondered and said: How came this man by this wisdom and miracles? 55: Is not this the carpenter’s son? Is not his mother called Mary, and his brethren James, and Joseph, and Simon, and Jude: 56And his sisters, are they not all with us? Whence therefore hath he all these things? 57: And they were scandalized in his regard. But Jesus said to them: A prophet is not without honor, save in his own country, and in his own house. 58: And he wrought not many miracles there, because of their unbelief.  
Is Maria’s country the Catholic Church?
So there it is Maria’s name was not on the Index because she did not sign her name. She was very definite it was not her works but Christ’s dictation. There were some things that needed changing. And a warning must be written in the made it a literary work of hers. So apparently it went on the Index just as was Helena Kowalska. It took a Polish Pope to remove her from the Index and make her St Maria Faustina. Maria made all the changes were made. (Except the Literary reference)
Now here is my final question, if perhaps all that Maria wrote is true and written by Grace, why did Grace think it necessary to give us these still incomplete works of Jesus Christ? Tell me Bonus Pastors why or tell me and the rest of the Laity why not. I believe Maria could truly pray the prayer of the publican, many of us can only tell God as did the Pharisee how great we are. Maria could pray with great truth, “Lord Jesus of Nazareth, Son of the Living God, forgive me for I am a sinner?”
What should have happened is the way and tradition of the Church. The Parish Priest should have been her confessor and spiritual guide. When he realized he could not cope, he should have consulted his bishop. The Bishop after questioning Maria then could have, should have appointed, a spiritual guide truly qualified by his spiritual life.
Their findings would then have to be presented to the Holy Office in those days, with a copy presented to the Pope. The reasons given not to do it this way smacks of disobedience and pride and certainly caused Maria problems, especially when the local ordinary was dismissed, taken out of the loop, because he was loosing his sight. That too was insulting.
By the way anyone who has read the Poem book 5, where it describes the passion could believe sincerely the two Popes words, as they said.Read it, you will not loose your soul”.
I would suggest once again take this letter to both your Pastor and your Bishop and ask for their opinion. E-mail it to them and make them either dismiss it or whatever. By the way why was St Marie Faustina on the Index? Surely it was not her diarised disgust at the silly questioning of priests in the Confessional of the state of her mind and soul?
St Marie Faustina, pray for wisdom for the priesthood.

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