All Conversations in My Heart
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
  other moments
I have other moments perhaps you might like to share them with me, but as I know and have been made aware of, so many of you do not want to listen. Blessed Mary has always maintained strongly, “We would like to speak with so many but so few listen”. To this end I will change title of my blog to “Conversations in my Heart”. Apparently I have reached another stage on my prayer life. I know I have gone up rungs of the ladder or gone up a few steps. These steps are only a little dissimilar in content and circumstance to those which St Teresa of Avila's describes also they are close to those described by St Evagrios the Solitary, his byzantine title, or St Evagrius Pontus, his western name. Actually the name reminds of an article about him that gave a description of numbers, very similar to the Tome of St Isidore of Seville. There was a time when a notable local visionary, asked me to give her a cover for her second book. I knew this was requested of her by Blessed Mary. Her notable theologians surrounding her, who are so theologically true and are full of such self esteem and acclamation, panned it. It was a triangle with the alleuring eye of God in the center.
Too much masonic etc was their claim. One of the most unheralded, unhallowed, unsanctified saints of our day, Teresa Higginson, I believe drew for her confessor a description of what she, Teresa, had seen, a mufti-faceted gem, with hexagonal shaped faces all with the eye of God in them, looking everywhere.
Tome is another Byzantine way of describing a tract etc. I must say I do like the ancient fathers way of giving names. I have always found it surprising how particular the Ancient Greeks were in their apt use of words. They often joined words together to make sure they were perfectly understood in the meaning of what they were saying. One might justly consider that these Greek Fathers had a great fear of misleading their people and hence they strove to be precise and accurate. Theo-logy is one that jumps to mind. I think that St Paul and his Greek use of words were very precise and translation of his works has become so imprecise. We can all read what he writes but so many really know what he meant to write and modern translations show it. It would seem that Paul was a little dyslexic. Us dyslexics never finish of what we mean because we are already gone down the road. Even if we read days later we remember only what we thought and often never see what we wrote is different than what we thought. We also get a trifle irascible. Mostly I think modern translators have an opinion of his meanings and not of what he really said. This modern way of changing an ancient viewpoint can be seen in “philosophical science???” and is called called Theo-dicy. Which in one method is used in today's modern bible translations to gloss over the supernatural blessings that Christ used to change the Hebrew behaviour so they knew He truly was God. It was as Cardinal Newman used in one of his earlier books to prove many miracles were natural happenings. Rumbles of thunder etc when God said, “This is my beloved Son”.
I have gone through the prayer of the tepid, that is knowing I should pray, but telling myself tomorrow will do. Before going any further a thought tells me that if I stay this way I can be seen as tepid and I will be vomited out of his mouth. I wonder what the sentence is for Priests who are tepid? St Evagrius wrote, and I paraphrase it, “If you want to pray as a priest, shun all lies and take no oath. Otherwise you vainly pretend to be what you are not”
The next step was praying, at least putting in the time. Gradually I climbed out of my torpor onto the next rung, that was my next step. I became different in a way than I have ever been. I became interested as my contemplation started to gell. It was not yet Divine, but a knowledge did grab me strongly, contemplation began to tell me of the works of God and His ineffable magnificence. I seemed to be forced, I began to make comparisions of myself to Him in a way that separated me from Him with the knowledge of the kind of jackass I had been.I praed, "I love you my Jesus, you are my love above all things. I repent with my whole heart for ever having rejected you. Never permit me to separate myself from You again. Grant that I might love yYou always then do with me as You will. Very St Alphonse Liguori and the Stations of the Cross. It was now a prayer life that told me of how meagre my faith was and how I needed to change. I was into a time when I made a dreadful comparison of how insulting I was to the One who did such much to save me. That started me into a three year period of compunction. During those three years I cried without tears but with deep, deep sobs that wracked my body and made the pews rattle and thump, very different when I prayed with those who were sick. That was a knocking that shook the places I was in and caused people to come to see what was happening. I could not stop the sobbing. Here is something for you all to chew over, even when a priest who was my confessor came over and told me to stop. I had no strength to do so. Same as when at the Consecration began at an early morning mass at the local Abby, when a priest left the altar and told me to behave. You see when the Holy Spirit was called at the Epiclesis I heard a strong, powerful, harmonious voice say, “Prostrate yourself”, I discovered I was lacking in fortitude, I could do nothing about that either I had to prostrate myself.
I asked a very good priest when would it all stop. He was very amused and very kind. Is that not right Father John. I had entered into the world of St Evagrios' 153 texts on prayer. He wrote,
“First pray for the gift of tears, so that through sorrowing you may tame what is savage in your soul, and having confessed your transgressions to the Lord, you will obtain forgiveness from Him. Pray with tears and all you ask will be heard. For the Lord rejoices greatly when you pray with tears. If you do shed tears during your prayer, do not exalt yourself, thinking you are better than others. For your prayer has received help so that you can confess your sins readily and make your peace with the Lord through your tears. Therefore do not turn the remedy for passions into a passion and so provoke to anger Him who has given you this grace. Many people, shedding tears for their sins, forget what tears are for, and so in their folly they go astray”.
Later in the same tome he returns to the subject, "When you think you do not need tears for your sins during prayer, reflect on this: you should always be in God, and yet you are still fdar from Him. Then you will weep with greater feeling". What  feeling is that you may well ask. It the good works we need to go with faith. Penance, atonement and reparation very little of that in the Church today, where then is sanctifying grace when no one repents.
St Anthony of Padua maintained, “Our souls should be pickled in brine”. 
There are many in our Church who pray for tongues. How horribly foolish, I will not hesitate to say it is the language of the prince of this world and I would correct Blessed Mary when she said, "They are praying to Seraf they wish to fornicate with the serpent". That is adultery of the worst magnitude the bad 'a' word . It is not Atonement, the good 'a' word. When St John Chrysostom explains the Greek terms that Paul used, St John used the words Glossolalia and Xenonalia. No one can deny the errors when the wrong meaning is applied to the word tongues. These carelessmatics claim a holiness an indwelling of the Spirit making them to be full of the grace that sanctifies. Let them read St Paul on the subject of Holiness. You will find it in Hebrews 12: 4 and I use Evagrius' paraphrase of it , “Do not speak of holiness for you have not shed your blood in the battle against sin. The older Bibles say “For you have not resisted unto blood in the struggle with sin”. Another of those dreadful translations we have been given today. Which gives a lie to St Paul's confession he held the coats when St Stephen was stoned.

Once again copy or send a link to your parish priest or to your bishop. Find out from him is this true. Do not let any one of them dance around, but make them stand firm and give you an answer.

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