All Conversations in My Heart
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
  Espousal
In the middle 1990's I went through a series of events. They were, all of them, to do with a “betrothal”. I was asked continuously would I take this woman to be my betrothed? At first I concluded I was a little off base. I did not know exactly how to answer or what to say. After another two weeks of this, I did said yes. I figured even if I did not quite understand and in my conceit I thought it may be Blessed Mary. She was and is so often in my interior life that and in my defense I was never sure if it was Blessed Mary or the Holy Ghost, God's Divine Eternal Spirit of Supernatural Love and Sanctifying Grace. He was also prominent in my interior life. It seemed as though every time I prayed for someone or asked for help I received it. I can quite categorically state loudly and clearly that I do not look for signs but because of my background in electronic repairs for which I was trained in the Armed Forces, I admit to looking for correct results or responses. Once I had said yes, my prayers went back to normal and good things went on happening. There were times when Catholics with whom I mingled were very irate, which I did consider as they had prickly consciences. Most answers were simple, “You cannot correct me you are not a priest”. What was my question? It was mostly, “When did you last go to confession?” I had thoughts that called me into such feelings of anger which did not seem to be mine and certainly were controlled. They did not fortunately last long. Although there was one son whose Mother claimed a great relationship with Guadeloupe and although not going to confession for forty years claimed she was not a sinner. She did set her son against me who chased me into the Blessed Sacrament Room shouting intemperately. I must remark that 30 or 40 years seemed be the normal time space. How about that fact Bishops and Priests? As is usual in my life now, those present and who watched saw me as the blame. It was the same when a priest came out of the confessional frightened by the knowledge he received of the state of his soul before God. This was after I received absolution and penance and I was about to leave. He left first and sure beat me out of the room.
There was a continuance of the betrothal, the Easter Vigil that followed as everyone was taking vows to dismiss the Devil and all his works from their lives, I was asked, “Will you take this woman to be your wife??” I said yes and three women later told me they had watched the Jesus in the Icon of Divine Mercy move off the Wall and come towards me. I was never sure who it was I was espoused to. At a later mass after Holy Communion a Mass offered by a priest Mary holds dear, Blessed Mary offered me her little child, “Take and hold my Child, Michael”. For three Sunday’s I said, “No”, as all the prayers I made, never gave me a clear answer of what to do or how to act. Was it Mary I married or what or whom? I did see and note that my devotion to the Church and some of the behaviour of priests, pastors and laity seemed so extremely disgusting. Not one priest asked me, “Where is the Lord in all this, the local Bishop did not want to know me. Even when Bl. Mary said, “Go see Him”. When he refused again and again Bl. Mary said, “Tell him you are one of his sheep and ask him why he refuses”. He never answered my letters. Sent as my confessor recommended. Yet weeks later when I stopped him at a local catholic event he denied all knowledge of me. Bl Mary had set him up. Two weeks before I stooped him two women who knew of my interior life had asked for his opinion in public about me and they gave him my unusual surname. Of course he knew his eyes got shifty as he looked around for help. I told him he should not lie so easily. Let me tell you how else he knew. I lined up behind three older women to go to confession with him, looked up and saw me, gave the three women a general absolution and went to push past. I lifted him up by his elbows and stood him down in front of me and asked why he was ignoring me. “Who are you?” he asked I gave him my name. “Never heard of you,” he literally snarled at me. “Do not lie”. And he ran away quickly (RAN)
Much later I spoke to a religious sister. I recognized in her that which was in me. All Catholics have this Gift, most do not or will not use it. It is the Gift of Introspection. Padre Pio had it better than I and some priests today ask in the confessional, “Is there something you are not telling me?” So this beautiful Bride of Christ, wanting to know who I was, asked. I gave her one of my prayers to say, she did. I waited for her to speak and rather sheepishly but not sinfully she told me what this Sister had heard. Then as I laughed at her embarrassment, laughed as a friend, she said words that I had so often prayed about, “Michael I never asked you to marry me”. I had my answer the espousal was not with Mary but with her Son the Mystical Body, the Church. The same with the baby at Holy Communion. What Mary said them made sense, “Do squeeze Him to tightly, Do not put out the flickering flame and do not suffocate him”.
I now wait for the holy One's now to scream you are not a priest you cannot espouse the Church. If God wants it that way then that is the way it is. In any case there is no one who can say to me you are not a priest. Later perhaps I will teach you the theology explained to me that can make it so. Even then the loud screeches of blasphemer etc., will echo throughout the Church. Furthermore let me say this Bl. Mary said as Our Lady of Salette, dressed in the Gold of Ophir, “They will not pick and chose among my prophets. I will fog their minds”. Has she I wonder??? Will Mary keep her promise again??? By the way a good Catholic Forensic Psychiatrist told me I was not mad and some thing else he said reassured me.

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